In Appreciation of Getting Older

Hi friends! Sorry I've been gone again for awhile, our October is completely cray-cray (that's crazy for people who speak normally). Danny and I were in Chicago for the wedding of one of my dear friends and we had such a wonderful time, but it was quite the busy whirlwind trip. All of my college roommates were there and in the wedding in some fashion, as were their significant others, so there was a lot of catching up and squealing (mostly on the girls' part) and general silliness. I got home Sunday night and in the little time I've had to breathe and think and process since returning home, I began to reflect on how we're all growing up. People are getting married, moving in with boys (gasp!), buying houses, getting promotions and planning for the future. It's just so amazing to think that 5 and a half years ago, the six of us girls were living in squalor in a crappy house together and loving every minute of the Sex and the City marathons, Wendy's runs and beer pong. Don't get me wrong, we all still indulge in the occasional SATC marathon, Wendy's is still delicious and beer pong does pop up occasionally, but obviously we're in a new stage of our lives.
 

 

In Appreciation of Manners/Friendliness

I realize I may be aging myself with this next question but what happened to manners? What happened to common courtesy? What happened to good old-fashioned friendliness? I was raised in a casual household but I was also raised with a heavy emphasis on being polite and kind. At 27 (almost 28, not too many shopping days left people), I find myself appalled at how many of my peers ad my elders seem to have gone without these very important lessons.

I mean really, is it THAT MUCH of an inconvenience to wait an extra 2.5 seconds to hold the door for a young lady with her arms full of groceries? Is it that hard to say "You're Welcome" when someone thanks you? Let me pull a me-in-grade-school and answer before you get a chance to: NO. IT'S NOT.

That's the thing about manners: they require minimal effort and, bible, those of us that use them can attest that the benefits outweigh the extra 5 minutes of time one spends in a day to be polite. People respond more warmly to you; you're setting a good example to those around you (particularly children); sometimes  you even get stuff for free, especially when those good manners are directed at an under-appreciated person who is serving you food or beverages, hello on-the-house dirty martini! I find this especially is the case if you are kind and understanding about a delay or a simple human mistake and let me tell you, i prefer a free cocktail to being a biatch any day.

I think part of my sensitivity to this manners/friendliness drought is that I moved from the Midwest to the East Coast. Now I'm about to say some not-entirely-positive impressions of the East Coast but please just hear me out East Coasters. For all the WASP-y upbringing of the many clean cut preppies that inhabit the Eastern seaboard, overall East Coasters just aren't a friendly bunch. Of course I've met plenty of friendly people out here individually but on the whole, Easterners seem to be colder, more isolated and less likely to go out of their way for another person than people from the Midwest. I'm sorry guys, but it's true and if you spend any length of time in the Midwest, even a big city like Chicago, you'll notice the difference too.

My husband and I went back to the Midwest for a week this summer to spend tie at my parents' lakehouse in Michigan and to visit friends in Chicago. We were honestly thrown off by how friendly people were. We had gotten so used to the collectively chilly attitude of D.C., we were borderline suspicious by the kind and attentive Midwesterners with whom we interacted at restaurants and stores. They'd say something really sweet like, "You two enjoy this beautiful day now," and we'd reply "Ok, what's your angle, lady?" In our heads, but still. This revelation that I was wary of kindness honestly depressed me a little bit. I'm a proud Hoosier, cornfed, love-thy-neighbor kind of girl! Have my 2 years out East really hardened me that much? What the French, toast?!

So from here on out, I'm on a mission to kill 'em with kindness and to really appreciate the people who are also nice and polite, rather than questioning their motives. Let's bring manners and friendliness back like Minnetonkas, big hair and bodysuits, but more like Minnetonkas and big hair because I'm actually not a bodysuit fan and I doubt that trend is all that long-lasting. Smile. Hold the door. Say thank-you. Oh and one more thing, read this post on Apocalypstick about being early, because being early is also good manners. You all enjoy this beautiful day now!

In Appreciation of My Parents

I've been away from the Internets for the Labor Day weekend and I missed it, but I didn't. The main reason I did not really miss the Internets is because my parents came to visit. I'm just going to get this out of the way and sorry if it sounds too braggy, but My Parents Are Awesome. For real, they are two of my best friends (and that's not because I have no other friends) but they still manage to be parents too in the support me all the time, give me candid advice and not spoil me rotten kind of way. I love them and not just because I have to.

My dad is hilarious, generous and protective without being overbearing. My mom is truly kind, fun and is my willing sounding board whenever I need to vent, which is often. I should also mention that I'm an only child, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Not because I get everything I want and am super spoiled but because we are a team, the three of us. I'm sure siblings are awesome but I didn't feel like I was lacking anything from not having them when I grew up other than a well-developed pain tolerance. (No really, I immediately cry when I get smacked on the butt. It happened twice in high school. Twice.) The reason my childhood felt so full is because of my mom and dad and the choices they made in raising me and the people they are as role models.

This weekend when they came to visit, it was like vacation even though I was technically the hostess. That's because with my parents I have lots of fun, eat great food, laugh a lot and feel completely myself all the time. It's not stressful. Well, it's not stressful except when I'm trying to figure out what to order at the next awesome restaurant they take me to. Did I mention I eat really well when they visit? Thank god my mom and I went to hot yoga too!

The last part that's great about my parents is that I'm self-aware enough now where I can recognize I get some of my best qualities from them. My mom passed on her passion for music, movies and television. I am a pop culture junkie thanks to her. My dad passed on his ability to make people laugh (which I like to think I do) and a desire to entertain. I have my mom's smile and blue eyes like my dad. I sound like my mom when I laugh and talk (so I've been told, a person never really knows what they sound like to other people) and I have inherited a lot of my dad's mannerisms. From both of them I've inherited the abilities to be fiercely loyal, to give really good hugs and to be passionate about what I love. They are the best parts of me and I feel so lucky that I have two such extraordinary people to call Mom and Dad.

In Appreciation of Marriage

That handsome man you see above is my husband, watching me walk down the aisle to begin our life together. We've been married just over a year now and it has been the best, most challenging, most rewarding and most surprising adventure of my life. I find myself reflecting on how much I enjoy marriage to Danny especially lately because he has to be away from me for two away rotations. 1 week down, 7 to go. With him gone, I am living the life of a pseudo-single girl again and I can't say I enjoy the change. It feels like a crucial part of my support system is gone, even though I get to talk to him every day. It's like when you hang a big poster on the wall and you only put a small amount of tape in the four corners and it's all billowy and not really stuck to the wall and then you realize "Oh! I should put some tape right in the middle!" Well I feel like I'm missing my middle piece of tape. I'm still stuck to the wall, I'm just not stuck to it all that well. Does that make sense? If not, try hanging a big poster and you'll get what I mean.

The thing is, although it wasn't 100% jelly beans and rainbows the entire time (because nothing worth doing is, even though jelly beans are delicious), Danny and I have become a team during our first year of marriage. We tackle things together and we can trust each other to hold one another up when we find ourselves struggling. That's not to say we weren't there for each other before but there's a gravity to our support for each other that wasn't there before we got married. Now I'm all about being an independent lady and girls are just as good if not better than boys and all that awesome girl-power empowerment. But here's where you're going to get a slightly hot button opinion from me for the first time. Anyone who is in a relationship and doesn't want to get married (which is a totally fine and valid life choice) that says "It's not like anything is going to change, it's just a piece of paper!" Well, they're wrong. Because even though Danny and I were the same people we'd always been, things changed the day we got married and I'm not just talking about giving up closet space. When you stand up in front of everyone you know or even just a justice of the peace and make solemn promises to each other and become husband and wife, there's a shift in your reality. You become part of a "we" in way that you were not before. As a direct result of this shift, marriage has changed me for the better. I'd like to think I'm less self-centered now because when I think about big decisions or even small ones, I think about them now in terms of "how will this affect US?" rather than "how will this affect ME?" Being married has also given me a sense of calm and security that I never had before even though I knew Danny loved me and was committed to me. It's not just a security in being loved, it's a security in having someone next to you on your life's path.

I don't mean to make you gag, and I know that this is a lot of "us" and "we" talk for an only child, but that's what marriage has changed for me. I hope it continues to do this because honestly, I love it. I love that when I'm looking through our DVR trying to decide what to watch I save the new episode of The Office to watch with him. See how selfless I've become? It's crazytown. So thank you marriage (and Danny) for making this only child a team player. I promise I'll be back to talking about myself tomorrow. And just to lighten up this mushy love talk:

Doesn't Ron look almost as content as Danny above? I think so. And I'm very happy that the sight of me walking down the aisle made Danny as happy as a bacon-wrapped turkey leg made Ron. That's seriously high flattery folks.

In Appreciation of Girlfriends

So I'm not comparing myself to Carrie Bradshaw in anything other than the fact that she had amazing girlfriends and so do I. By amazing I mean fun, loyal, honest, hilarious and unconditionally loving. What I envy Miss Bradshaw is that her closest friends are in the same city as she is, while my besties are scattered around the country. I've acquired a few amazing girls to hang with in D.C. and that has been great, but there is no one like my college roommates. Maybe it's because we lived together; maybe it's because by virtue of them being in college with me they saw me at both my very worst and best; maybe it's that we just hit the jackpot with each other. Whatever the cause, my college roommates are the girls I call when anything big happens in my life; they are the people I worry about the most outside of my husband and family; they are the girls I asked to stand with me as I married my husband; and they are the people with whom I still have the best conversations.

Like the ladies of Sex and the City (who we spent hours watching in our college living room together), the six of us couldn't be more different but we somehow just fit. The 6 of us together represent pretty much every personality trait, physical attribute and opinion under the sun and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Why am I reflecting on this you may ask? Well it's because I started watching Season 6 of Sex and the City and every time I see those four fabulous ladies, I ache for my girlfriends. Even though it's a television show, I think Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte are role models for us women as a group of friends because no matter what goes on in their lives, their friendships are constants and they always make time for each other. That's been the case for us 6 so far, and I think we will continue our tradition of girl weekends, email updates and long phone catch-up sessions. No matter what happens, we will always be the 6 of us in a little part of our hearts and to quote SATC's heroine, "well, that's just fabulous."